Do you know what makes relationships go stale? It is not the routine, nor the bills, nor the responsibilities. It is not the kids, nor their schools nor their issues. It is the comfort that sits with every relationship. It is knowing that if you gain a few pounds, your husband won’t leave you. It is knowing, deep down, that if you tell her not to go out with her friends, she wouldn’t and it is knowing that even if you leave him, he will always be there for you.
Comfort is not trying as hard as you did the first time you met. It is not life. It is the opposite. It is a creeper into your lives that disguises itself as ease, warmth and, at times, love. It lingers there in the background, waiting patiently. It watches couples move on with their lives, each living separate ones, yet occupying the same house, busying themselves with their phones, their shows and their friends.
It is asking couples years later about why they split, and them answering, “We just grew apart.”
Comfort is the worst.
Comfort is not something to aim for when building a life. When you live comfortably, you have ceased to live. It is not your end goal, but the goal to avoid. There is no excitement in comfort, no rush. Your heart doesn’t beat quicker, your palms don’t sweat. You are not happy, not even satisfied. You are simply existing.
Whatever you do, live each day like you will lose that person. Comfort will make you think that you are tired and that it is alright to slack off a day, a month or a year. It will tell you not to worry because everything will be alright. Isn’t everything already alright?
But where will comfort be when you see that person wake up from their slumber, shake those cobwebs off and leave? When you ask them why and they don’t give you an explanation because the silence left by comfort was enough. The years spent together-apart were enough. The time wasted sitting by comfort was enough.
Don’t be comfortable. Be loud, large, happy, excited, angry, sad, content, needy, lovable, funny, and infuriating. Be everything. But don’t be comfortable.